towards nowhere

I drove like a madman
Nauseous with anticipation
All the time knowing
No one would be there when I’d arrive
No one would be waiting,
still I drove on

I should be leaving it all in my wake
yet still I keep returning
to no avail:
it breaks more than it saves
I know, and, in my yearning
how much more till there’s no mending?

I might have passed that point, perhaps
a while ago, without ever knowing
the car just drives itself it seems
and however much I’d want to
seem to have little or no control over where it’s going
what road it wishes to follow

And in my desperation, hurtling towards destruction
frantically looking for the breaks
I tell myself: “be patient, try and calm the fuck down,
you’ve been told a thousand times:
if you break it you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.”
It all comes crashing down and tears me apart